Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
