I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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