I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
