My friends, they love my intelligence
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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