there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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