Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize