I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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