I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
