Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I deserve this hangover.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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