He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize