Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
