Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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