it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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