Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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