woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
