it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
