I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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