Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
