oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
