Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
