I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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