Four minutes until I can fart!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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