Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
