Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
