Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
wow bdsm is so cute
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
