Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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