I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
