I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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