i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
