Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
