Walk of Shame. In a state park.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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