I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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