I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
