She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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