Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Pants 0. Shit 1.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
