Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
