Already got asked if we're dating
We named our party play list daddy issues
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
