Just cropdusted the office
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
