There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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