i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Do vagina's smell?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
