I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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