i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
third nipple confirmed
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
