It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Randomize
