but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Actions speak louder than pants.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
