he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
