doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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