Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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