o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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