I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
