We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
