I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
