Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
