its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize