and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
