They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
