once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
