Duck Duck Cougar?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
