Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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