My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i dont even know how to be here
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
