Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
