i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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