i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
