I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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