Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
