i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
