I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
