He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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