When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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