I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
