thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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