but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
