drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
