i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize