There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Of course I have a pirate flag
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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