I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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