foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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