Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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