I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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