why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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