we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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