Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize